No Resolutions! Just do better....

Hello all! For the past two New years I've told myself to just do better. I never stick to resolutions. I think, for me, I raise the bar to high. I know I'm a baby step type of person so it defeats the purpose to leap. Here are my list of things I really need to "Do Better" at this up coming year. Some things I have already started working on. Why wait, right? Right!

1. Finances. I need to do a better job at saving and actually follow a budget that I put in place. This means no eating out as much and not as much shopping. I have already started on not eating out as much. I tend to cook during the week now since I live a more healthy lifestyle. As for shopping...... Lets just say I got my work cut out for me.

2.Spend more time with God. This is definitely something I didn't get right this year. I was worse than the year before! My plan of action is to have a solid devotion time. It may not be every day but at least four times a week.

3. Giving and tithing. I have always struggled with this. My goal by July is to start giving 10% of my gross. I know, I know, that's what I'm supposed to be doing now. The thing that's really hard for me is giving my time. If someone ask me to contribute to a cause or event I pull out my wallet. I almost never volunteer my time or services. I must "Do Better" at this. I could really be using my gifts and talents to help someone in need of them. This brings me to my next point................

4. Use my gifts and talents more. I should be writing more. I'm pretty good at writing lyrics and I'm also great at writing poetry. I have been working on a book for the last seven years. I have trashed it numerous times because I wait so long to work on it. When I finally do get to it, I've grown so much that I feel the need to change things around or start all over. I also need to network more and get better at it.

5. Be more intentional and focused. I'm not very intentional. Meaning, I don't reach out much or try to cultivate new relationships unless I have to or unless they fall in my lap. My theory is my circle is big enough. At times its to crowded and over whelming.  This should not be my outlook, EVER. For one, I invest in some relationships that I shouldn't and spend time trying to make friendships work that really won't. I have already started working on this. I simply stopped reaching out to people who really don't reach out to me unless something is needed. We can still be cool. I just feel like my energy is better directed at other people and things.

6. Be a better friend. Don't get me wrong. I think I'm a good friend but I could use a little work. I have a tendency to be in my own little world at times and not really focused on what people are saying to me. I also rush people to get to the point. I absolutely hate when people tell me to much back ground when explaining something. The whole time I'm like "Get to the point!" Yes, I've said that before.  When I'm not being rude, I act like I'm listening and nod my head while I'm making a grocery list or coming up with something clever to say. I have slight ADD so it's hard for me to focus on what people are saying if it takes them to long to spit it out. Not an excuse just another "Do Better" moment.

7. Spend more time with my family. My real family. This is hard for me. Sure my sister is my best friend but I'm not really that close to the rest of my family like I should be. When I moved to Dallas I came across so many people that treated me life family only better. They prayed for me and encouraged me. For the first time I felt really loved and understood. It made me not have to deal with real issues and generational curses I was dealing with (and still dealing with) from my real family. I also have a God Mother and sister that I really need to spend more time with as well as a sister and cousins, aunts, and uncles from my biological father side that I need to put more if an effort into.

Believe it or not, this is not my whole "Do Better" list. Baby steps! What are you going to "Do Better" this year? Until next time.............................................

FUN, FUN, And More FUN!

Hello everyone! I hope your Christmas was awesome. I haven't blogged in the last seven days. I have been in my hometown, Paris TX, for five days. I ate, slept, played, and ate some more! I enjoyed seeing family and getting some much needed rest. I especially enjoyed my two nephews. Miles (22 months) and my handsome Malcolm (8 yrs old).

I can't believe how big they are getting. I also enjoyed spending time with my best friend, sister, and hostess with the mostess, Tiffaney! She's also a great cook! She cooked the majority of the food. All she asked was that I cook the macaroni and cheese! Sounds like a deal to me! Yep, that's my plate below (the first serving).

Best dressed goes to my cousins shoes! Watch out world!

Best tree with matching presents goes to my sis. She told me I couldn't put anything under her tree that didn't match the decor. I could use her wrap or she would wrap them for me lol. When I seen her tree, I knew why. It was gorgeous! The fun and festive wrapping paper was also great!

It has became out family tradition to have a Christmas Eve party every year. For the past two years we have played the best game ever. Left Right Center. If you've never played your missing out! Yes, that's all of my family gathered around the table to play it!

It was a pretty great night. We ended with family portraits and handing out gifts. I love this time of year! I hope your Christmas was full of love and joy. Until next time...................

Top Five Christmas Songs

Hello everyone! Welcome to this weeks edition of top five. I love this time of year. Although, I do believe the meaning of Christmas has gotten somewhat lost. Sometimes this makes me sad. So in order to get back in the spirit I reflect on what Christmas is all about. What else helps to pick me back up? Glad you asked! MUSIC! I.Love.Music! Especially Christmas  music. Here are my top five in order…

5. Justin Bieber- Mistletoe. This is a recent and surprising choice. Not really a big fan of Bieber but he has real talent. This song is not on the list for meaning but more for grooving to the sounds while kickin it with the fam.

   4.Boyz II Men- let It Snow. This song need no explanation! I have loved it
  for years. I remember when it came out. And the ending is my favorite part!

3. Maria Carey- All I want for Christmas. I don’t know about you, but the holiday is not complete without this song. I put the fun version below. I love when the kids pop up and start singing. Enjoy!

2. Stevie Wonder- What Christmas means to me. This song makes me want to snap my fingers and do a step. Such a high energy song. How can you be a Grinch when this is playing? You can’t! Get your grove on!

1. Donny Hathaway- This Christmas. My Christmas song of all time. “Shake a hand, shake a hand.” You gotta love it. The right amount of soul and class. The music and the voice come together perfectly!

Although those are my top five, the song that has the MOST meaning to is Little Drummer Boy. “Our finest gifts we bring to lay before the King.”  Please enjoy and let these words sink in. The true meaning of Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone and a happy New Year!

Blogger Day of Silence

John 3:16 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

 

The Weigh In

I have been absolutely nervous for about three days over this weigh in. Just in case you missed my post about the 21 day challenge I was apart of, you can read it here. I weigh myself every week. Last Monday the scale read 184. When I started off my challenge I was 187. I was bummed out about the 3 lb weight loss. I guess because I set a goal and thought I wouldn't make it. I have decided to share with you my actual stats! Here goes nothing (or everything).

                    Start         Now
BMI            34.10       32.70
Body Fat     37.3         36.6
lbs BF          69            65
Hips             45            45
Thigh           26 3/4     25 1/4   x2=3inch
Calf             15 3/4     15 1/2   x2=.5
Waist           35 1/2     35 1/4   x2=.5
Neck            13            13
Arm              13            13
Chest           42 3/4     42 1/4   .5
Weight          187          179

A total weight loss of 8 lbs and 4.5 inches in 21 days! I surpassed my weight loss goal by 1 lb. I didn't make my 7 inch goal, but that's okay. I'm pretty stoked about the 8 lb loss. In a later post I will break down exactly what I did. I want to see if this method continues work first. What's next? I'm going on a 30 day challenge starting tomorrow (gotta keep it moving). My goal for 30 days is ten lbs and six inches. I'm also considering hoping on  The Diet Bet my friend Kim recently blogged about. Two challenges at one time? "Could be, could be not. Who's to say."

                               

The Run Down: New Car, New Hair, New Favorite Song!

Welcome to this weeks edition of the rundown! Finally, I bought a new (new to me) car! My poor PT Cruiser was on its last leg and my last nerve. I was also down to my last penny in repair money. It stopped on me while I was finding a parking spot to my cousins baby shower. I was scared I wasn't going to make the 45 minute drive back home. I looked online for cars that were in my budget and decided on Nissan. After looking at several, I found the perfect gently used car for me. Meet Lola!
Speaking of baby shower, look at this fabulous cake! Yummy!
I have been bouncing the ideal around for a new hair color for weeks. I finally got the nerve to do it. I have been natural for four years and the only color I use is very black Clairol. I just think black makes my natural hair look healthier. Well, I was getting bored with it. I love the new look! Here’s a look at all angles!
 
This Thursday I had the pleasure of being invited to the Dream on Dallas holiday mixer (post coming soon)! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! I won two passes to the Black Girl Social. Black Girls Social (BGS) is a networking company supporting women of color to be who we are, unapologetically free to dream, create, explore the unknown and pursue all possibilities on our terms. I’m beginning to love to network so this is the event for me! Also, I love to see women doing well and exploring different areas of life (no matter the race). Excited!

I also have a new favorite song. Special delivery by Bridget Kelly. The first line had me at “Wrote him a good bye letter today.” Ladies, I know you feel me!

That's our Rundown for this week! Tune in next week for Top Five and my 21 day challenge finale!

A Heart For Kelli

 

Hello everyone! Meet my friend Kelli. She is a bright, energetic, beautiful mother of three.  She is not only my friend, but my sister in Christ. My sister needs a heart transplant.

Kelli, who is 36 years old, developed Cardiomyopathy and Congestive Heart Failure in 2011 when she became pregnant with her twin boys; Karson and Dillan born on February 7, 2012. At age 22 she battled Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and after several rounds of chemotherapy, radiation and finally with a Stem Cell Transplant, she won her fight. Her heart is only functioning between 15-20% and she has just been placed on the heart transplant list which can take between 1-2 years to receive.

 

Here’s a snap shot of Dillan and Karson. I can’t believe they're already ten months! Below is Kelly and her eldest, Kaylan. Kaylan is the most mature eighteen year old I have ever met. She is also a college student.

 

 

Please join me in coming alongside this family.Below are three links to help support Kelli and her family; the first one links to a website with other links that enable you to directly donate on giveforward.com or to purchase a <3 For Kelli bracelet for $5. The 3rd link is our Facebook group “Support Kelli’s Heart” where we post informative updates and others can show their support through words of encouragement and/or prayer.

Kelli’s page http://www.giveforward.com/mysistersheart

Here’s the link to buy a $5 bracelet http://www.supportkellisheart.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/362833507139484/

Please pray for my friend and her family during this season.

                                

Finally, A Hair Regimen

Lets talk hair! Really and truly, I suck at taking care of my hair. I rarely comb it out. I don’t have a wash schedule. I also wash and go more than I probably should. I have been natural for almost four years and have yet to have a regimen. I’ve cut it a few times since going natural. After my first year I decided to cut it into a bob, and I have layered it twice. Here’s a pic of my last major cut. It was around Thanksgiving last year. One straight and then a week later I went back to curly. That has by far been my favorite hair cut. I decided to just chill and let my hair do its own thing and grow out….for now.

I read tons of hair blogs. The one thing they have in common is that every natural blogger I know has a hair regimen. After careful consideration I decided to go for it. Yes, I’m lazy and I hate doing my hair but if I want my hair to look better and be healthier and more manageable, I must at least try, Right? RIGHT? Here’s a breakdown of what I will attempt to do for at least four weeks.

Sunday night: Pre poo with Jamaican Black Castor oil on my scalp and Super Sweetback Treatment from Ms. Jessies. What’s a pre poo? Check out my review here. Wash with Mizani  shampoo or whatever I’m trying at the time. Comb out and braid, twist, or run wild and free. I prefer wild and free.

Tuesday and Wednesday: Protective style. I like to wear one braid down the middle or twist on the sides and a bun in the back.

Thursday: Co wash. This is when I use oil and conditioner for about 20 minutes then wash it out. I will either twist it out or run wild and free. More than likely wild and free.

Here’s a glimpse at what went down this Sunday. I blew my hair out because I’m getting it colored tomorrow and wanted it to be very little product on my hair. When I wear it curly, I usually put curl cream and something for shine. After I blew it out, I applied Do Grow to the scalp and Butter Cream from Ms. Jessies to my ends.










I made sure I didn’t flat twist tight because I wanted a loose look. Hardly any curls. More like a slight wave.



Here’s how it turned out!  I love it. I didn’t have to do anything this morning. Just take my twist down and run my finger through it. We shall see how long this hair regimen last.

What’s your hair regimen like? Got any tips for me on styles or products? I'm willing to try ALMOST anything! Be blessed and most of all be a blessing!


                                                  

The Last Goodbye

 “Had to grab my heart back. God knew something had to change.” AK

It always starts with a simple text. “Thinking about you.”   Another text follows. “I miss you. I’m sorry. Can we talk?”  Then he calls. The same cycle begins………Until now.

Lets start from the beginning. I knew three months in that he was not the one for me. I made a conscious decision to not care. Lesson one: Just cause he’s a good man does not mean he’s the one for me.  I didn’t care because I had the picture of who I wanted him be in my mind. I didn’t want to change him. I wanted love to change him. Lesson #2 WTH! Really?!  Don't get me wrong; he was not a bad guy by any means. We just wanted totally different things and never on the same page about anything. ANYTHING!

I also didn’t care because I was tired. I was tired of dating. I was tired of no calls or text from the opposite sex. I was tired of hanging out with girls all the time. Last but not least; I was tired of the thought that I would be alone one more birthday, Christmas, and Valentines day.

This went on for about a year. The break up to make up over and over every couple of months. It was getting harder and harder to let go because he became so familiar. I knew who it was when my phone rang or when I heard my text go off. I knew what he would say and do before he would do it or say it. I had to let go. I was hurting both of us in the process.

How did I do it? Glad you asked. I didn't answer the “thinking bout you” text. I ignored the “I miss you” text. I decided to let the phone ring. I can no longer talk to him. I can no longer be his friend. He can no longer be my go to guy. He can no longer rub my feet or kiss my forehead. I can no longer crack jokes on his lips or take up his whole couch when I’m watching TV. I didn't say goodbye to him physically. But mentally and in my heart I chunked up the deuces…………….

Are you still in a train wreck or love rollercoaster?  Are you going through a similar cycle?Do you plan to get off anytime soon or have you already gotten off and now healing? Lets discuss!

The Run Down- GIVE AWAY!!!

Hello everyone! As a sign of my appreciation for your continued support, I wanted to have our first ever give away!  My favorite product right now is pillow soft curls. My hair is soooo soft and my curls are more defined. All you have to do is post your favorite Blogging While Single post and tag me in it on Face Book. Simple as that! If you do not have a Face Book account, email me at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. You can post as many times as you would like. Each post is an additional entry! Were also on Twitter, Jessica_BWS. You can follow me and repost and it will also count as an entry.  Good luck ladies!

 

Here’s an update on my 21 day challenge. Truly, it has been a challenge. Finding time and energy to exercise every day is tough but I know I have to. As of today I’ve lost two lbs since Monday. I’m hoping I can keep it up and make my 7lb 7inch goal by the 16th. Below are pics of what went down diet wise this week.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday got me feeling lint in my pockets. Geesh! I went deal overboard. Friday was my first time ever shopping at Hautelook. I bought a snake print Jessica Simpson dress and a plain black one just like it. I also bought a cute pear of moccasin like shoes. All for under 130.00; which is a great deal if you know how much Jessica Simpson usually runs for. I also thought I’d get my elf swag on and bought green shoes from JC Penny, along with other things. I don't know what to wear them with. I’m horrible matching colorful shoes with clothes. Maybe I’ll wear a leopard print turban with my black dress and green shoes. Or maybe not…. I also bought the 99 dollar camera that was at Target. It tok FOREVER!                                                                                                      

                  

 Turban love! I follow a group on Instagram by the name of Natural hair does care. Every Thursday isTurban Thursday. I work in corporate America so I’ve never been able to participate. Finally, I workedfrom home on Thursday and rocked my turban with my favorite lipstick (Mac Russian Red).

                                 

Last but not least, I have a Ratchet Moment to discuss. Okay, most of my friends know that I have a slight country/hood/ratchet side of me. With that said, I LOVE to watch country/hood/ratchet things on You Tube. I know, I know, the ratchet struggle is real. Anyway, I can’t stop watching Issa Rae’s Ratchet Piece Theatre. Yes, that's the name of it. It’s so inappropriate on every level. Her commentary has me cracking up. The language is horrible though so I’m not going to post the video but……….

So, how was your week? Don’t forget to post in order to get put into the drawing! Have a blessed rest of weekend!  

Train Wreck

It’s funny how I always tread lightly when entering into relationships but they still end up back where I started; single. Maybe my tread isn’t so light. Maybe, I look so far ahead to the future that what’s in front of me is somewhat blurred. Maybe, just maybe, I love to see train wrecks. Beautiful train wrecks. You know, the ones where everybody lives and the two main characters fall in love and the dude is no longer a complete joker and the female is no longer uptight. No? Okay, I guess not.

My point is, sometimes it’s not him. It’s me. As you can see from the statement above, I already have an image of someone coming in and not only saving me but also changing for me. Say what!? I know, I know. I can’t change anyone OR convince them to save me. I know what you’re saying; “Save you from what?” Save me from becoming Ms. Independent.

That is my biggest fear. We all have that one friend whose mantra is “I don’t need a man!” She has a t-shirt with those very words on the front and back (just in case you didn’t see the front). I’m not saying that being independent is a horrible thing. I’m just saying I’M independent not because I want to be, but because I have to be. I want to be willing and able to give it up when the time is right. I don’t want to be the “I don’t need a man” woman who always does everything on her own and refuses to allow a man to help her just because it’s not in her timing, or simply because she can do it herself.

I’m beginning to think that’s the reason why I stay in relationships wayyyyyyyy past the expiration date. Or maybe, I just like seeing alternate endings to the movie I like to call “Train Wreck”. To be continued………..

Are you also starring in this feature film? When was your last “train wreck”? Read, share, and discuss!
Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

My 21 Day Challenge Top 5

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog post , Why I Hired A Trainer. For the last two weeks my trainer has been asking me to join the gyms 21 day challenge. I’ve told him I don’t know several times. I know, I’m supposed to be eating right and exercising anyway right? Right! I finally said yes. Monday at 5:30 I will be weighing in and getting measured. Here are the top five changes I will be making in order to stay on course and make a much needed life style change.

5. Make goals. This is important for me to stay on course. My goals for the next 21 days will be to lose at least 7 lbs and 7 inches. AT LEAST!

4. Be held accountable. I’ve told a couple of my friends the plan for the next 21 days. I also convinced my sister to join me! I push myself more when I know someone is watching and keeping me on the up and up. I will also do the same for her.

3. Be prepared. I tend to snack and overeat when I’m at my desk or when I’m bored.  I’ve got to make sure I have healthy snacks with me at all times. I also have to make sure I bring my lunch to work. When I bring my lunch, I’m in control of my calories. I know what I put in my food and where it came from.  (That's my shopping basket).

2. Get to moving! I have to have a workout plan. On my 21 day challenge I plan to work out EVERYDAY! No exceptions! On Mondays and Thursdays I see my trainer. That means I have five more days to switch it up. Below are my two secret weapons. Taebo express gives me 8 ten minute workout options. Two before bed or two when I wake up. Beyonce Live will allow me to dance, which is my favorite thing to do. It will also allow me to listen to great music while burning calories. I also bought a Groupon for boxing classes at a local gym. I can wait to hit something!

1. PRAY! In order to have a clear mind and a clear focus, I must pray. Being connected body, mind, and soul helps me to reach my goals. Prayer strengthens me when I get weak. Its like B12, only better.

JOIN ME! Please join the challenge. Email me at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Lets connect! I will send you updates and recipes along with encouraging words. Don’t worry, I won’t be sharing your info or blogging about anyone's progress. But, if you would like to join the challenge and you are willing to share your weigh loss story, I would be happy to blog about it. I will be giving updates every week on my progress. 
Peace and Blessings to you all!

Top Five: THANKFUL

  Thanksgiving is now upon us! I have so many things to be thankful for. I wanted to focus on five specific things today. I wanted to go deeper than the normal things people say and really uncover some things that I  wouldn’t normally tell anyone. Sure, I pray everyday and every night and tell God thank you for everything He’s done but I only scratch the surface.

5. I’m thankful for my community. The people that I surround myself with always give me sound advice and tell me the truth when I need it. Even though, at times, it seems like I’m not listening or I say whatever. I’m always listening and soaking up everything. It’s not just one or two people either. I would say around ten to fifth teen. I can only hope and pray that I would mirror the examples I have been given.

4. Truth. Last year I was into it with a friend. I went to another friend with the issue. She was very truthful in the words that she said to me. “Jessica, why are you so mad? People will always disappoint you.You can’t expect people to be the same type of friend you are. Be thankful that you now know how this person is and its your choice whether you accept it or  walk away from the friendship.” That was the best advice I’ve gotten in the last four years I’ve been in Dallas. From that moment my expectations of all my friends changed. I no longer expected them to do what I would do for them. I can only control my actions and be the best friend that I know how to be.

3. Acceptance. The saying goes; when someone shows you who they are believe them. Well, I choose the accept them. If I know someone is a thief, I accept it and take my purse everywhere I go. If someone is a liar, I accept it and not believe most of what they say. I still love them. Everyday my friends accept me. At times I can be fun and out going and at other times I can have an attitude. You can totally have my attention or my mind can be somewhat far away. I can become very distant and seem bored even when I’m not. I’ve always been this way and my friends have always accepted that about me. I have to accept them as well.

2. My job. This summer I received an offer to work in a new department. I told people close to me about this new opportunity  and received negative feed back from each one of them. I almost let it kill my spirit. I had to remind myself of what I had been asking God for. I wanted a challenge and to learn new things. Fast forward to today. I’m not only growing and learning new things, I now have the opportunity to write! I have a manager that believes in me and wants to help fulfill my goals. That's what I call  favor.

1. Healing. When I finally listened to God and moved from my hometown to a place where I barely knew anyone, I was able to start the healing process. Removing myself from the negativity that I let consume me allowed me to start the process to heal. Hurt people, hurt people. I had to face the fact that I was still hurting. I needed to heal my relationship with myself before I could start mending relationships with other people. Once I found peace within, I was able to make peace or forgive most of the people that I held a grudge with. I also had to learn that I can’t heal others. I can pray for them and if need be, I can love them from a distance. I decided that I can’t allow anyone to take my joy or my peace again.
What are you thankful for? Lets discuss. I pray that everyone has a great holiday. Remember, be thankful everyday!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

I Am NOT My Hair

A few weeks ago my sister and I were having our everyday talk when I made the statement, “I think I am my hair.” Of course she asked me why and I stated the answer that made sense to me at the time. When my hair looks good, I feel good . When I’m having a bad hair day I just don’t feel right.

Fast forward to two weeks later. My friends and I decided to attend  Nappy Hour. It’s a natural hair happy hour put on by Nappiology in conjunction with the Nappiology summit or conference they were having that weekend.  I went to support a friend of mine performing a couple of spoken word pieces (she was amazing! ).  I was absolutely moved by the spoken word pieces that each artist performed. And then it happened. My AH HA moment.   

One of the spoken word artist made a statement that made me feel some sort of way. “I didn’t know who I was until I became natural!”  My mind said “Skeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkk! Hold up. What did she just say?”  I couldn’t hear anything she said after that moment. Her words were void to me with that one statement. Let me break it down for you.

1. I big chopped twice in high school. Freshman and senior year. Both times I didn’t know who or who’s I was. I was just doing it to grow my hair faster for a style I wanted. It was never to be permanent.

2.The third time was in my early twenties after a breakdown, but not a breakthrough. I cut it off and grew it natural for a couple of years but didn’t really know what to do with it after that. Once again I went back to the creamy crack.

3.While I was on the creamy crack, I had a major breakdown. I was twenty five and I was lost. I had no idea who I was and what direction my life was headed. It was then, in my brokenness, I heard from God. CLEARLY! Creamy crack and all! He met me where I was. After that I moved to Plano, joined a church, and I completely turned my life around. It had nothing to do with hair. Who I am has nothing to do with a choice of being natural or having a relaxer. It had everything to do with getting to know Jesus and living my purpose. That’s it. To be honest, my 4th and final big chop was a mistake. Some chick cut my hair to short! She said she was trying to get it even (side eye). I cried and wore a quick weave for 3 weeks. I needed enough time to at least see a curl pattern.

So from now on, I control my mood not my hair. The gratefulness I have in my heart controls my mood. Not my hair. My decision to be happy controls my mood. Not my hair! 
So, does your hair control you? Did you big chop before or after a bad break up or breakdown? Let’s discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Top Five Lines I Say to Men…….

 

….To get them to leave me alone. I know what your saying. “Isn’t she single? Why would she intentionally try to make men run?” 

As some of us already know, some men can’t handle rejection. On several occasions I have declined an offer with a smile and a kind no thank you only to be cursed out and told I thought I was to good. Sooooo, I decided  to take a different approach. Sometimes I just want to chop it up with my girls and not be bothered by Jeromey Rome. No offense.

1. I just got out of a relationship. This is the main one I use. My thought process is that no one wants to be the rebound guy or deal with someone who is still getting over the ex. This works about 40% of the time. Hey, gotta roll those dice anyway,right? Right!

2. This one is more of look instead of words. I look at guy and blink without smiling while answering his questions with one to three words. Example: “So, I’ve never seen you here before. Is this your first time here?” Me: “No (blink about 5 times).”  This works most of the time.

3. Jesus has my heart. I only pull the Jesus card when the “I just got out of a relationship” card doesn’t work. Please don’t judge me (in my Chris Brown voice). Sometimes you got to pull out the big guns. This works most of the time. Every now and then you’ll get a joker that says Jesus told him that you were his wife. Yes, this has happened to me.

4. I’m celibate. I know what your saying. “Why would you tell someone that when you first meet them?” Simple, because it works 100% of the time! I use this when one, two, and three fail me. I’m just waiting on the day when someone says ME TOO. I don’t know how I would react.

5. My ex is crazy and I think I seen him posted up in the corner . Yes, I will say this. I’ve rarely had to use this but sometimes one through four just don’t cut it. Some people can’t take no for an answer. Believe me, I’ve thought about  saying I was pregnant. I don’t think I could say that with a straight face.

Ladies, have you ever had to use one of these lines? Do you have a certain one you use to get men to give you fifty feet? Fellas,has anyone used any of these lines on you? Please share in the comment section. Also, don't forget to subscribe!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

He Loves Me

 

2 Corinthians 6:18 “And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (NLT)

“He loves me; he loves me not. He loves me; he loves me not.” I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I would spend hours picking flowers while saying these seven words over and over again until I finally ended with ,"he loves me.”  It’s funny that even as small children, we as baby girls somehow identify ourselves through love and acceptance from a father figure. I remember finding refuge in my God Fathers arms, hanging on his every word and being in awe of his big stature and heavy voice.

As I became older, I found that even though I had a father figure (a great one at that), I still longed for acceptance from a man. maybe it was because I still had a void from not having my biological father in my life. Maybe it was because I felt a lack of love as a whole when it came to family life. Or maybe it’s just in us as women.

It is becoming more and more prevalent to me that I’m not seeking just any type of approval now. Once I truly became aware of whom Christ really was and once I came to know more and more about Him, my need for approval started to shift. I found myself wanting approval from He who gives me rest at night. The One who speaks to me in the middle of the day. The One who protects and guides me. He chases me when I run and answers me when I call.

I never needed the hundreds of flowers that I franticly pulled from the ground. Theirs never any doubt of His love. Even when He has to use His rod, He cares for me while I heal and depend on Him.

Be encouraged. Despite what your circumstances are/was at home, please know you have a heavenly Father who loves and adores you. Taste and see for yourself. Be blessed!

 

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Miss Jessie’s Product Review

 

This past weekend I went to a natural hair event and was given some pretty great samples. I’m a sample queen! Reason being is that natural hair products are wayyyyyyyyyy to expensive.  As stated in an earlier post, My Pre Shampoo Experience, I am not a product junkie and it’s mainly due to the prices of products. I’ve only used the Curly Butter and it was good. On a scale from 1 to 10, I’d give it a strong 7. Here’s a break down of the products that I was able to sample. Please keep in mind that we all have different grades and different lengths of hair.

Creme De La Creme- I used this, along with oil, as my pre poo. I wanted to loosen up my curls, condition my scalp, and try to make it a whole lot easier to comb out once the shampoo stage was done. I must say, the random Shea Butter conditioner I used last week did a better job. I comb my hair out twice a week so it wasn’t matted or to tangled since I wore a protective style two out of the four day window between washes. I give this product a 5. It was average.

Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo- After my pre-poo, I used this sudsy shampoo. I must say, it lived up to its name. Very sudsy. Did my hair feel clean afterwards? Eh, kinda. Nothing really special. The descriptions states that its a detangling shampoo. Even with my pre-poo, my hair was somewhat tangled in different spots. I give this product a 5 as well. At this point I was ready to throw in my towel. Until………..

Super Sweetback Treatment- THIS! After trying to part my hair and comb through it with no avail, I decided to use this deep treatment. It worked well. As soon as I washed it out I could part my hair with ease and comb it out. Love love love this product. The only thing I don't love about it is the 48 dollar price tag for 16 ounces. Side eye but it just might be worth it. I give this product a 10!

Pillow Soft Curls-I loved this product as well. My curls popped as soon as I applied it. They were also very soft. Don’t take it from me. Take it from the zillion people who reached out a touched my hair from work and church. I’m usually not a fan of people touching my hair so this was a big step for me. I give this product a 10 as well.

Baby Butter Creme-Last but not least. I really loved the way this product made my hair shine. It was easy to use and went on smoothly. My hair was moisturized all day. The only issue I had with the product was the greasiness of it. When I wear a wash in go, my hand is in my hair all day. Every time I would put my hand in my hair it would come out with this product on it. I used the butter creme in the morning before work. All in all, I give this product an 8. I would still use this product if it was gifted to me. 8oz 32 bucks. 16oz 58 bucks. 

I know what some of you are saying. I should invest in products that I love. I’ve had this conversation so many times. But, one of things I liked about being natural early on was the fact that I didn’t have to pay a beautician big bucks anymore. Now, I’m supposed to just transfer that money to products??? Hmmmm…….. I digress.

So, what say you? Have you tried any of the products listed? If so, what did you like or dislike about them? What are your favorite products that I should give a try?

Again, please keep in mind that products work differently on everyone. If you would like sample of any of these products you can go to www.missjessies.com . They will send them to you for free!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Why I Hired A Trainer

A picture is worth a thousand words. In my case, 280 bucks a month. The picture to your left is the reason why I decided not to do it alone. I needed more than a text or call from a friend. I needed to be pushed. I needed to know that next summer I wouldn’t be 55 lbs heavier than my sister who just so happened to have given birth 15 months before this picture was taken.
  If your like me, you’ve tried EVERYTHING. I‘ve even researched Lap Band. I’ve drank every shake there was only to realize I would have to continue to drink those shakes if I didn’t learn how to eat. That’s right. I had to learn how to eat and how to replace junk with something healthier. My trainer has given me the tools to work out and eat right when he’s not around.

1. He gave me a meal plan. 80% of loosing weight is what you eat.

2. He showed me exercises I can do at home with out equipment. I can plank and squat like nobody's business.  

3. He gets tough with me. One day he called me into the office and asked me what he could do to help me lose more weight and I was not shedding enough inches for the amount of exercising I was doing. He said I must not be eating right. He was correct. I would eat good all week and as soon as the weekend would get here i would stuff my face. Now, I’m back on track.

I know what your saying. “I’m not about to pay for someone to tell me what I already know.” And that's cool. I’m not saying go and get a trainer. I’m saying invest in your health instead of paying a higher doctors note down the road. Get a workout partner. Get up and walk. A walk becomes a jog and a jog becomes a run. You never know what you can do until you try.

I started a two week challenge today. If I lose four pounds with in the next two weeks I get to buy these lovely boots. I was going to buy them anyway, but I decided to challenge myself even more than I have been lately. I also know that I run the risk of missing out on my size. Seriously, every body and they momma wear a size 8 1/2 or 9. Geesh! I will write an update half way through and even give you a break down of my at home work out. It’s time to get back to mission “Get it right, Get it tight.”

Are you currently trying to lose weight? Need a workout partner or accountability partner? Have you been thinking about investing in a trainer? Lets discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Top Five Songs NOT to Play at a Singles Event

Recently my girls and I went to a singles event. We were laughing and joking when a familiar song started to play. We looked around for a minutes thinking to our selves, “ Am I the only one who thinks this is kind of out of place?”  Music can be a great tool. It can get the party started or start up conversations. It can also bring back memories that some of us would rather put behind us while were trying to mix and mingle. So, I decided to come up with MY top five song choices to not play at a singles event.

1.) Alicia Keys, You Don't Know My Name. This was the song that was playing. Somewhere a woman was standing up against the wall starring at her crush while lip singing the lyrics. “ You don’t know my name….(round and round and round we go. Will you ever know).” Just sad……

2.)Oran “Juice” Jones, The Rain.  If you want to see an angry brotha, play this song. Watch what happens. Look around the room. You see that brother in the corner with the Stevie J facial expression? Whatever you do, give him 50 feet..PLEASE!

3.)Erykah Badu, Call Tyrone. This song will have sistas snapping fingers, giving daps, and looking at men crazy the rest of the night. DJ, don’t put the fellas through this.

4.) Beyonce, Me, Myself, and I. If you know me, you know I LOVE Beyonce. BUT, this song makes me want to light up a New Port and drink some Coke and Crown. I don’t even smoke OR drink hard liquor! Something about this song just makes me say forget it, I’m doing me….But then I come to my senses.

5.) Maxwell, This Woman’s Work. When I hear this song, a single tear rolls down my cheek. I know what your thinking. This is a great song. YES it is, BUT every body thinks they can sing the high notes!  Try listening to ten brothas (that’s the amount of them at the event) hit that high note. I cant. Just, no.

Honorable Mentions; Anything by H-Town. If your wondering why, you can get a clue from the names of the songs. Anything by R.Kelly EXCEPT for Step in the Name of Love. I’ve been asked to dance a few times off that joint.

What song or songs would be on your list? Why? Lets discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

I’m to Blessed to Act Like I’m Not

Hello everyone. I wanted to share some encouraging words with you today. So many times we get so caught up in anger and in frustration, that we can’t see the blessing that is right in front of us.

  ^{“Colossians 3:23} Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” NIV 
 When I first moved to Plano I was making $12.50 at the local Home Depot. Yes, you read that right, $12.50. I asked God to bless me with a better paying job that allowed me to be off on the weekend so I could serve more in ministry. Don’t you just love new faith? I not only believed God would do it, I believed He would take care of every need until it came to fruition. One month after I moved to Plano  I interviewed with another company. Three days later I got the job. I did a praise dance and a shout. I said thank you God at least a  hundred times.

  Fast  forward five months later. The same girl who prayed to God; the same same girl who did a praise dance and said thank you Lord; was the same girl who was complaining about the very blessing she asked for. I felt as though I was stuck on the phone being griped at by customers all day. I was angry that they were yelling at me and cussing me out for eight hours a day. I was really mad when I didn’t get an hour lunch because we were too busy. And, I had the complete nerve to be mad when I had to work over time.

  Wow! I wasn’t working for the Lord. I was working to get by. Which ,in hind sight, didn’t make much sense. I’m supposed to be light, but when customers called in all they heard was an attitude. As soon as I walked through those double doors my lamp was turned completely off. One day, someone read the verse above at church. You know how when your convicted about something it stays on your mind all day? I had to make a decision. Was I going to be miserable or was I going to work like I was working for the Lord?

  I realized someone out there was without a job. Someone out there wanted the boss that I couldn’t stand. Someone out there would take the $12.50 that I felt was not enough for me. So, the next time your angry at your boss or you have to work overtime, think about this verse.   Remember, the company you work for does not provide for you. They didn’t give you breath and blessings that you didn’t deserve. Praise God by working like your working for Him. Be blessed!


Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

My Pre Shampoo Experience

I read about 3-4 hair blogs a day. I also subscribe to a ton of instagram  and face book pages that are in relation to hair. I’ve noticed that everyone of them, relaxed and natural, talk about the pre poo.

What is pre poo? (Short for pre shampoo). Its when you apply conditioner or oil or both to your hair and scalp before shampooing to relieve stress from the wash. I must admit, I was skeptical at first. Wouldn't it just be washed out when I shampooed my hair? I’m glad my skepticism didn’t keep me from trying it.

I’m not a product junkie so I barely have products to choose from. Two things I do keep around are oils and  conditioner. I used some random Shea Butter conditioner and  Doo Grow stimulating growth oil. My scalp is ridiculously dry so I decided to use oil as well as conditioner. I mixed the two together and spread it evenly through out my hair. Also, I put additional oil on my scalp. I let this sit for 20 minutes. I shampooed my hair and towel dried. I must say, I’m a believer.  

PROS: My hair was softer than its ever been after a wash. I was able to comb through it with minimal hair loss. I WAS ABLE TO COMB THROUGH IT! My hair was shiny but not greasy or weighed down. My hair felt cleaner. My curl definition was on point. Did I mention I could comb through it?

CONS: Ain’t nobody got time fo that! Goodness! 20 extra minutes on top of what it already takes. But, it was worth it. I didn’t have deep condition for 15 minutes or take ten extra minutes combing it out.

I will for sure be adding this to my non existent hair routine. That’s right. I am the only natural person I know that does not have a routine. I don’t wrap my hair at night unless I twist it or wash it that night. I don’t twist my hair every night or re twist if I so happened to do a twist out. I don’t have a wash routine either. Maybe I will put myself on a hair regimen. Couldn’t hurt.

So,  what say you? Have you pre shampooed? If so, what do use and what’s your normal hair routine? Let’s discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

“SINGLE”

1:not married 2: unaccompanied by others 3a: consisting of having only one part, feature, or portion.

And that my friends, is Webster's definition of single.  Yes its true that I’m not married. “Having only one part, feature, or portion.” That's the part that gets me. I've always had the idea that I had to be whole. Truth be told, I still believe that. Another truth be told, sometimes I don't feel so whole. But that's another post for another day...

Thank goodness for Urban Dictionary!
1. When you are currently not in a relationship with a significant other…

That's more like it. To be fair, I’m sure Webster was referring to a thing as well as a person. The problem is, some of us single women over 30, me included, refer to ourselves the same way Webster has described us. Having only one part, feature, or portion. Often times we think of ourselves as not being whole without someone. I've felt this way many times.  I really need to change my mindset if I’m going to be content with being single. I have to decide what I want. Do I want to be an Urban Dictionary single or do I want to be a Webster's single? 

I think the first step to recovery is admitting I have an issue. Hello. My name is Jessica and I’m a Webster's dictionary single.

What type of  “single” are you? Are you striving to move past that definition or are you happy just where you are? Feel free to discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!