Thursday, November 15, 2012

I Am NOT My Hair


A few weeks ago my sister and I were having our everyday talk when I made the statement, “I think I am my hair.” Of course she asked me why and I stated the answer that made sense to me at the time. When my hair looks good, I feel good . When I’m having a bad hair day I just don’t feel right.

Fast forward to two weeks later. My friends and I decided to attend  Nappy Hour. It’s a natural hair happy hour put on by Nappiology in conjunction with the Nappiology summit or conference they were having that weekend.  I went to support a friend of mine performing a couple of spoken word pieces (she was amazing! ).  I was absolutely moved by the spoken word pieces that each artist performed. And then it happened. My AH HA moment.   

One of the spoken word artist made a statement that made me feel some sort of way. “I didn’t know who I was until I became natural!”  My mind said “Skeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkk! Hold up. What did she just say?”  I couldn’t hear anything she said after that moment. Her words were void to me with that one statement. Let me break it down for you.

1. I big chopped twice in high school. Freshman and senior year. Both times I didn’t know who or who’s I was. I was just doing it to grow my hair faster for a style I wanted. It was never to be permanent.

2.The third time was in my early twenties after a breakdown, but not a breakthrough. I cut it off and grew it natural for a couple of years but didn’t really know what to do with it after that. Once again I went back to the creamy crack.

3.While I was on the creamy crack, I had a major breakdown. I was twenty five and I was lost. I had no idea who I was and what direction my life was headed. It was then, in my brokenness, I heard from God. CLEARLY! Creamy crack and all! He met me where I was. After that I moved to Plano, joined a church, and I completely turned my life around. It had nothing to do with hair. Who I am has nothing to do with a choice of being natural or having a relaxer. It had everything to do with getting to know Jesus and living my purpose. That’s it. To be honest, my 4th and final big chop was a mistake. Some chick cut my hair to short! She said she was trying to get it even (side eye). I cried and wore a quick weave for 3 weeks. I needed enough time to at least see a curl pattern.

So from now on, I control my mood not my hair. The gratefulness I have in my heart controls my mood. Not my hair. My decision to be happy controls my mood. Not my hair! 
So, does your hair control you? Did you big chop before or after a bad break up or breakdown? Let’s discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

7 comments:

  1. Wow how enlightening Jess! I was trying to go natural 6months thinking the total opposite because a lot of people are going natural! But I realize just like u that my hair does not define me and I went back to my creamy crack as u call it :)...because of my thyroids the texture of my hair is different and it didn't go well trying to go natural it has become way wiry and tangle awful even with all the best natural products out there I finally just gave up because its a painful mess, I simply can't rock natural like I use to even tho I really wanted to...I finally talk to my Derm and she said it will take some time to get my texture right and it may not ever go back to normal because of the Graves disease...its weird how the thyroids control our skin, hair, nails and metabolism which affects a big part of our well being and livelihood

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  2. Thanks so much for sharing with us! Being natural is a lot of work and the products can be pricey. I pray that your condition gets better. May God continue to bless you and yours! Thanks for stopping by.

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  3. Thanks for the shout out on my performance Jess. This post took me a while to respond to for several reasons. I had not realized how many hidden issues I had in regards to being defined by my hair until I made the decision to go natural. Whew talk about a self awareness moment multiplied. I transitioned and it was difficult for me I was afraid of the big chop and overwhelmed in between my hair stylist visits with how to manage my hair. I just kept remembering my aunts words when I was a little girl she would say “why is your hair so nappy and why are you so dark?” I grew up in Louisiana so hair and skin color were always a big deal. The lighter you were the more you were accepted and the longer your hair you were considered the prettiest. Going through the transition compounded my internal hair issues as many people were like, “What is going on with your hair? Don’t you need a perm?” The worst was when someone I grew up with told me “I was ruining my career by going natural.” I am so much more confident now with embracing my natural hair but I cannot lie and say it was easy. The next challenge after getting over what to do with my hair was finding the right products to use. What works for your friend may not work for you. I remember being corrected when I said a product did not like my hair and being told, “No it’s not the right product for your hair because you have to learn your hair type and the best ways to moisturize it.” It is powerful to finally say without reservation, “I am not my hair and I am not anyone’s expectation.” Recently someone said to me I admire the fact that you went natural out loud and did not hide behind a bad wig or weave. I was like wow (thanks) but you really have no idea how difficult it was emotionally to do it. I know that embracing my natural hair is a part of my creative journey and almost two years later I know I made the right decision at the right time for me to continue to grow spiritually and emotionally. Overall, now when someone makes a comment about my hair and want I need to do to be beautiful in general I just tell them “Respect my Creativity.”

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    1. It's funny that you say something about the color issue and hair in Louisiana. I've noticed this and heard other women talk about it from Louisiana. Reason that its so funny is because we're about the same skin tone and your hair texture is somewhat soft with a looser curl pattern. This is altogether a bigger issue. Sounds like your the one who knows who you are and the rest need to figure it out lol. Whats interesting is that most races have this same complex. Thanks for sharing!

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  4. Hey, we're both in Dallas area! Cool! And yeah as a young Christian I am learning to get a handle on my emotions and stop letting them control me. I fail a lot. But I do like the insight you have provided here. Currently feeling like I'm a having a bad hair day and it's had me feeling more timid than usual. Great blog!

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    1. The natural scene here in Dallas is fierce. I love it! Hair holds alot of power. I raised to think that your hair is your crown and glory. Its hard to let ideas go that have been embedded in your mind from day one. I'm still working on it as well. I'm glad you enjoyed my blog and i hope you keep in touch! If you know of any hair shows or events going on in the area, please let me know. Be blessed!

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