Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Three Valuable Lessons From My Therapist


I've always known self care was an important element to ones well being. I tend to look towards my outside self and neglect whats inside of me. See, that's the problem. We allow things to go in our mental without allowing anything to come out. This causes us to breakdown. I was at that point. Something had to change.

In steps my doctor. My doctor recommended me to his therapist that worked with many of his clients. I'm not new to therapy. I'll go every now and then, but I really never go long enough to benefit from it in its fullness. Not this time.

My first week we filled out paperwork and she asked me multiple questions (it felt like 50) about how I was feeling and what I haven't been doing that I normally do. The second week she asked me what was going on. Of course I said everything I was feeling and who I was mad at and blah blah blah. She just listened. The next week started out the same and ended differently. After my spill of feelings and complaints, she asked me something that gave me my first light bulb moment. What were you doing 5 years ago that your not doing now?

Lesson 1. Do not lose yourself.
My therapist  asked me to write a list of things I was doing five years ago (the most healthy and happiest time of my life) that I'm not doing now. My list was embarrassingly long. It was so long that I stopped writing. No wonder I felt depressed and empty. Jessica had left the building. My life is the exact opposite. I was always surrounded by positivity and love and nurturing. I was in a small group that had changed my life in so many ways. I felt like I could always be myself. I didn't have worries and feelings build up because I expressed myself in every way possible. I volunteered. I traveled. I went to see live bands. I danced. I sang. I went to happy hour twice a week. I allowed myself to dwindle instead of blossom. It's no ones fault but my own. As women, we feel like everyone else's wants and needs and demands come first. We somehow fade into the background and end up here. What am I doing about it? Every week for the past five weeks, I've went to lunch or dinner twice with friends. I work out two to three times a week. I roam the city. I've let my friends in on whats going on with me. I'm starting to see glimpses of myself.

Lesson 2. Paying a cleaning lady is considered self care. On one of our appointments she asked me how a typical work day looks. I get up at 5am. I leave the house at 550-6. I get to work by 7am if I stop for breakfast. I eat in my car and listen to podcast or talk radio until 7:40. I go upstairs to my desk and prepare for my day to get started by 8. I get off at 5pm. On a good day I get home by 6. If its raining or a bad day, 6:30-7pm. I cook or go get something to eat if its late. I may wash a load of clothes or do the dishes or both. Take an hour bath or shower. Get in the bed by 9:30 or 10pm and start all over the next day. No wonder I feel like a dust rag! No wonder I have a pile a clothes that need folded and floors that need vacuumed. She asked me if I've considered a cleaning lady. Now, I've thought about this many times. She explained to me the benefits of someone else helping me with things that will free up my time. She stated it was self care. I can't do everything all the time. I've decided to take her advice. Groupon, here I come!

Lesson 3. As you heal and unload, you will start to see people in another light. As it turns out, a better light. The situations and people that I complained about in my second and third session I now see differently. I feel as though the situations are solvable. They don't seem so big. I now recognize that since I'm longer carrying 100 bricks, the 20 that I have seem light. They seem like less and less a big deal because I'm not overwhelmed by so many things. It's easier to process 20 bricks than it is 100. The people that I complained now seem less flawed. I see me in them. I see my faults in them. I see that they need to unpack some of their bricks. We all have bricks.

I would encourage everyone (male and female) to sit or lay on a professionals couch and exhale. It's extraordinary how many things we hide away inside the depths of our secret places. We think they're buried. But they're not. We don't know this until a trigger is pulled and they rush to surface. It feels like were drowning. But, it doesn't have to. You can start unloading those bricks one session at a time.

                                         

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Big Chop or Transition???

Recently I've been asked how I feel about the subject of transitioning  over big chop. Personally, I'm a HUGE fan and advocate of the big chop. However, I also feel like the transition method is great if you're not sure what you want to do. Here's a few reasons why I think the big chop was best for me.

1. I didn't have to deal with two different hair types.
2. I didn't have to deal with breakage from having two different hair types.
3. I was able to see my hair type sooner than if I was to transition.
4. I was able to grow to love my face. There wasn't anything hiding it.
5. I had a better handle on how to style my hair and what products I liked quicker. All I had was natural hair so I didn't have to style it for both textures and I didn't have to worry about what products would work for both OR wear my hair in a bun or roller set.

I could go on and on of the benefits that I experienced BUT they're also some draw backs (or what someone would consider draw back).

1. The shock of having little to no hair.
2. If you weren't sure about "going natural" theres no turning back.

That's really all I could come up with. There are a few great things about the transition method.

1. You can always slap on a relaxer if you don't like it or the process.
2. No shock from a super short haircut.
3. Less whining from your spouse/significant other. I know tons of men who have said don't cut your hair to short. I get it but.....

I've big chopped four times. My first time was in 9th grade. I was 14 and it was Spring. My second time was my Senior year. My third time was after a break up in my early 20's. My forth time was the end of January in 2009. This was the ONLY time it was on accident. I had just gotten my twist taken out by a stylist. I asked her to trim my hair. I only looked up when I heard the clippers. I wanted to cry. As soon as I left I went to the beauty supply and purchased 3 bundles of weave and did my own quick weave. I kept it in for three weeks. When I took the weave out and washed my hair, I fell in love with it! I dyed it black and wore it out. I haven't looked back since.

Whatever method you decide on, do it for you.

Here's a couple of videos to inspire you on both ways.






                                     

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

40 Before 40 Part One

Greetings everyone!

How are you? Whatcha been up to? I've just been here getting it together. You know, QUEENIN!

Since we've last talked, I turned 35! I'm actually excited to be 35. I think it's due to me looking 27 (I know that I'm tooting my own horn! Not sorry)! I enjoy being blessed with  another year to get it right. Here's the thing; I don't feel like an adult sometimes. I just feel like I'm walking through life trying to figure it out as I go. Although the title of my blog states I'm "Living For A Living", I'm really not. I've been barely getting by. Woking long hours and ignoring my creative side has really made my scales unbalanced.

I plan to fix that starting NOW! Not only did I sign up for a vision board class (coming up this weekend), I also made a 40 before 40 list. I figure I have 5 years (Lord willing) to do 40 things that bring joy to my entire being and excitement to my life. I also figure I should write the vision and make it plain. Habakkuk 2:2. So here goes half of my list....

1. Learn to swim
2. Skinny Dip (With my spouse)
3. Have abs (Or close to it lol)
4. Walk down the streets of DC with an afro
5. Wear only red lipstick with no other make-up (I have skin issues)
6. Walk on the beach with a two piece no matter what
7. Buy a car brand spanking new
8. Dance in the rain
9. Change my career
10. Create something epic
11. Take a girls trip with two friends/sisters
12. Buy a poodle and name him Tyrone
13. Have dinner in France
14. Ride a bike (it's been years)
15. Enjoy First Class
16. Ride a Camel
17. Cut off more than half my hair
18. Make self care a priority
19. Write a book (finish what I started)
20. Get another tattoo

Now, I know some of this is pretty basic BUT it's the little things that make life worth living. What's on your list? Have you even made a list?


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Gold Digger?

Hello GREAT people!

Before you read, watch this!



Okay! Let's get to it!

I've read a ton of commentary via Facebook about how these two will never find a man and how much of a gold digger they both are. Some people have even went as far as to call them out their name and make fun of their looks. My thoughts may surprise you. While I agree  that they were over the top and could have been nicer; I also think that when it comes to looks, your preference is your preference. 

I thought it was a bit much to make them look unappealing to the ladies. Let's be real. How we look is the first thing our potential mate sees. Its really the only thing we have to go by until we get to know someone. One date does not allow you to get to now someone. Lets turn the tables. Rarely do men date women they are not physically attracted to.  I asked my husband if he date someone he wasn't physically attracted to and within a half of a second he stated NO. But women are supposed to? Hmmmmmm.....

Now, I do think it's rude to ask people how much they make. She was WAY out of line. When I was on the dating scene, I would simply ask them what they did for a living. Then if they made it past phase one (hehe) I would check out how they lived. What they drove. How they carry themselves. 
How they dressed. Here's why:

Dating in your 30s is different. I would only date potential if you were at least half way to your goal. Why? Because at this point in life I'm real grown! If you're thinking about raising a family and all that jazz, a man has to be at a point in his life where he's stable enough to do that. Now, this is my advice for ladies in there 30's. If you're in your 20's (early or mid) date as much potential as you like. Have fun. Travel. Live life! It got real in my 30s. I needed someone who was doing just as good as me or better. To be honest, I think thats fair. My dad planted that seed in me. He taught me that a man was supposed to take care of his family and provide.

Also, the best thing in life for me right now is knowing that if I don't have it, he got it. He got me. Potential may not be a soft pillow to fall on, but stability is. These ladies were over the top with their demands in our eyes, maybe. To me, deep down inside, we all want someone to take care of us. Not just financially either. We forget that men used to be the main bread winner. That women were put in positions where they could nurture and teach their children. Society has made it where the lines are blurred and now we have to be independent. In some cases, because we want to be. 

In closing, I would like to say there were a ton of things wrong in this short video. At least the women know what they want so that a man can take them at face value. We always say ask God for what you want specifically. We can't really fault them for that. Who knows. Maybe they will get exactly what they want (and the baggage that comes with it). Or maybe they will adjust and settle for the expectations that WE told them they should have....shrugs.




Monday, January 11, 2016

Pray Love Werk!

As I was strolling through magazines trying to collect pictures for my vision board, I was reminded that I needed a theme for the year. Everything is better with a theme, right? RIGHT! So the theme for this entire year is PRAY LOVE WERK!

PRAY: My prayer game is seriously lacking! I pray when i awake. Pray as I'm going and coming to work. I pray over all my meals with the same prayer. I'm praying but none of my prayers have substance. I say the same thing over and over again. I plan on praying more specific prayers and with more specific categories.

Example: 30 day prayer for my husband and marriage
                30 day self prayer for my mind, body, and spirit

LOVE: This means many things. I will work on loving the people around me deeper. I've turned into a "On the surface" type of person. I absolutely hate making new friends, but i will talk to any and everyone who talks to me. I also neglect the friends I have. I'm horrible at reaching out and making plans. Most of the time I'm just here at home, chilling! I will also show love to those I do not know. Trying to be less petty in the new year and more loving. Pray for me.

Werk! This is going to be most challenging one! I definitely need to work on my complacency. I've become OKAY with how things are going. Truthfully, they're not going so great. I feel like something is missing. Like a big chunk of life is going to waste. I use to have a clear direction and a ton of goals. I absolutely cried when I listened to Adele's Million Years Ago. If you haven't heard it, heres a few lyrics:

I know I'm not the only one
Who regrets the things they've done
Sometimes I just feel it's only me
Who can't stand the reflection that they see
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother, I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago

OKAY, am i the only one that has a movie reel of their life playing in the background when this song is on. I Can't. Stop. Listening!

I also need to Werk my business and stop being so relaxed. I could also use a little more Werk in the dress department. I get ready in less than 30 minutes every morning. Nope, I do NOT pick out my clothing before I go to bed. NOPE, I do NOT iron anything AT ALL! And NOPE, I do NOT take anything to the cleaners. So, for the next 21 days I will get in the habit of looking better for ME. My outwardly appearance is important. I do, however, prep my hair at night. In the morning it only takes 5 minutes to do.

What are your goals for the year??? Comment below!



If you haven't already heard it.............









Monday, December 28, 2015

Happy holidays everyone!!!!

For the last two months I've been changing my Blog name and uploading my design to my blog.
I didn't think it would be sooooo difficult! I'm not done yet. Trying to figure out how to change my picture..... Any tips would help!

I also created a YouTube Channel. I plan to Vlog and Blog. Any tips would help with that also! I hope your Christmas was merry and bright! Prayers and thoughts go out to everyone who was affected by the Tornadoes here n the DFW and surrounding areas!

Be Blessed and be a Blessing!

https://youtu.be/qEyeA4ZuUXE


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

My Year Off and What's to Come!

It's been exactly a year since I posted anything. There were many nights where I sat here thinking and typing but I never hit publish. I felt like my creativity had dripped out of my finger tips and had been soaked up in the carpet. I was somewhat lost for words. In the beginning I felt like it was the anxiety I was having over changing my blog name. When I started my blog I was somewhat content with being single and I was dating. Not steady, just dating. I felt like I wouldn't be married for years. Boy, was I wrong. It took me until June to come up with a name and it took me another 3 months to buy the domain. This may be the last time you see a post from Blogging While Single. The new name (I think) is Jess Is Moore (yes, my new last name is Moore). This gave me even more anxiety because of all the ifs ands and buts I always put myself through. Hopefully now that I have a new name and working on a new layout, I will feel more creative. For the last few months I've felt as if I was loosing myself. Anywho, here's what I've been up to these past 365 days!

I got hitched! April 27th in Las Vegas! Yes, Vegas. I didn't want to spend the money (that I didn't have) on a wedding. It intimate and private. Almost perfect.

I also traveled to a few places. We went to San Diego for our Honeymoon. I also went to New Orleans with a friend, and I went to New York to visit my Aunt with my sister for my birthday! I went to the Wendy Williams show and she told me happy birthday! Highlight! We ate soooooooo good!


2014 was a great year for my hair as well! I tried new things and new products. Here's my year hair review. It's also posted on my Instagram (jessie9981). I promise to make a list of my fave products for you!

I picked up sewing. I plan o do a lot more sewing projects in 2015. I also spent some quality time with the people I love most!







Last but definitely not least, I started the book in the pic above. You are a BADASS! This book is awesome! I have a whole list of books to read this year. Please join me!
It Always Seems Impossible Until its Done
Get a Life NOT a Job
What the most Successful People do Before Breakfast
Me Before You (Next on my list)
Secrets of Six Figure Women
Crazy Rich Asians 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!