Train Wreck

It’s funny how I always tread lightly when entering into relationships but they still end up back where I started; single. Maybe my tread isn’t so light. Maybe, I look so far ahead to the future that what’s in front of me is somewhat blurred. Maybe, just maybe, I love to see train wrecks. Beautiful train wrecks. You know, the ones where everybody lives and the two main characters fall in love and the dude is no longer a complete joker and the female is no longer uptight. No? Okay, I guess not.

My point is, sometimes it’s not him. It’s me. As you can see from the statement above, I already have an image of someone coming in and not only saving me but also changing for me. Say what!? I know, I know. I can’t change anyone OR convince them to save me. I know what you’re saying; “Save you from what?” Save me from becoming Ms. Independent.

That is my biggest fear. We all have that one friend whose mantra is “I don’t need a man!” She has a t-shirt with those very words on the front and back (just in case you didn’t see the front). I’m not saying that being independent is a horrible thing. I’m just saying I’M independent not because I want to be, but because I have to be. I want to be willing and able to give it up when the time is right. I don’t want to be the “I don’t need a man” woman who always does everything on her own and refuses to allow a man to help her just because it’s not in her timing, or simply because she can do it herself.

I’m beginning to think that’s the reason why I stay in relationships wayyyyyyyy past the expiration date. Or maybe, I just like seeing alternate endings to the movie I like to call “Train Wreck”. To be continued………..

Are you also starring in this feature film? When was your last “train wreck”? Read, share, and discuss!
Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

My 21 Day Challenge Top 5

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog post , Why I Hired A Trainer. For the last two weeks my trainer has been asking me to join the gyms 21 day challenge. I’ve told him I don’t know several times. I know, I’m supposed to be eating right and exercising anyway right? Right! I finally said yes. Monday at 5:30 I will be weighing in and getting measured. Here are the top five changes I will be making in order to stay on course and make a much needed life style change.

5. Make goals. This is important for me to stay on course. My goals for the next 21 days will be to lose at least 7 lbs and 7 inches. AT LEAST!

4. Be held accountable. I’ve told a couple of my friends the plan for the next 21 days. I also convinced my sister to join me! I push myself more when I know someone is watching and keeping me on the up and up. I will also do the same for her.

3. Be prepared. I tend to snack and overeat when I’m at my desk or when I’m bored.  I’ve got to make sure I have healthy snacks with me at all times. I also have to make sure I bring my lunch to work. When I bring my lunch, I’m in control of my calories. I know what I put in my food and where it came from.  (That's my shopping basket).

2. Get to moving! I have to have a workout plan. On my 21 day challenge I plan to work out EVERYDAY! No exceptions! On Mondays and Thursdays I see my trainer. That means I have five more days to switch it up. Below are my two secret weapons. Taebo express gives me 8 ten minute workout options. Two before bed or two when I wake up. Beyonce Live will allow me to dance, which is my favorite thing to do. It will also allow me to listen to great music while burning calories. I also bought a Groupon for boxing classes at a local gym. I can wait to hit something!

1. PRAY! In order to have a clear mind and a clear focus, I must pray. Being connected body, mind, and soul helps me to reach my goals. Prayer strengthens me when I get weak. Its like B12, only better.

JOIN ME! Please join the challenge. Email me at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Lets connect! I will send you updates and recipes along with encouraging words. Don’t worry, I won’t be sharing your info or blogging about anyone's progress. But, if you would like to join the challenge and you are willing to share your weigh loss story, I would be happy to blog about it. I will be giving updates every week on my progress. 
Peace and Blessings to you all!

Top Five: THANKFUL

  Thanksgiving is now upon us! I have so many things to be thankful for. I wanted to focus on five specific things today. I wanted to go deeper than the normal things people say and really uncover some things that I  wouldn’t normally tell anyone. Sure, I pray everyday and every night and tell God thank you for everything He’s done but I only scratch the surface.

5. I’m thankful for my community. The people that I surround myself with always give me sound advice and tell me the truth when I need it. Even though, at times, it seems like I’m not listening or I say whatever. I’m always listening and soaking up everything. It’s not just one or two people either. I would say around ten to fifth teen. I can only hope and pray that I would mirror the examples I have been given.

4. Truth. Last year I was into it with a friend. I went to another friend with the issue. She was very truthful in the words that she said to me. “Jessica, why are you so mad? People will always disappoint you.You can’t expect people to be the same type of friend you are. Be thankful that you now know how this person is and its your choice whether you accept it or  walk away from the friendship.” That was the best advice I’ve gotten in the last four years I’ve been in Dallas. From that moment my expectations of all my friends changed. I no longer expected them to do what I would do for them. I can only control my actions and be the best friend that I know how to be.

3. Acceptance. The saying goes; when someone shows you who they are believe them. Well, I choose the accept them. If I know someone is a thief, I accept it and take my purse everywhere I go. If someone is a liar, I accept it and not believe most of what they say. I still love them. Everyday my friends accept me. At times I can be fun and out going and at other times I can have an attitude. You can totally have my attention or my mind can be somewhat far away. I can become very distant and seem bored even when I’m not. I’ve always been this way and my friends have always accepted that about me. I have to accept them as well.

2. My job. This summer I received an offer to work in a new department. I told people close to me about this new opportunity  and received negative feed back from each one of them. I almost let it kill my spirit. I had to remind myself of what I had been asking God for. I wanted a challenge and to learn new things. Fast forward to today. I’m not only growing and learning new things, I now have the opportunity to write! I have a manager that believes in me and wants to help fulfill my goals. That's what I call  favor.

1. Healing. When I finally listened to God and moved from my hometown to a place where I barely knew anyone, I was able to start the healing process. Removing myself from the negativity that I let consume me allowed me to start the process to heal. Hurt people, hurt people. I had to face the fact that I was still hurting. I needed to heal my relationship with myself before I could start mending relationships with other people. Once I found peace within, I was able to make peace or forgive most of the people that I held a grudge with. I also had to learn that I can’t heal others. I can pray for them and if need be, I can love them from a distance. I decided that I can’t allow anyone to take my joy or my peace again.
What are you thankful for? Lets discuss. I pray that everyone has a great holiday. Remember, be thankful everyday!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

I Am NOT My Hair

A few weeks ago my sister and I were having our everyday talk when I made the statement, “I think I am my hair.” Of course she asked me why and I stated the answer that made sense to me at the time. When my hair looks good, I feel good . When I’m having a bad hair day I just don’t feel right.

Fast forward to two weeks later. My friends and I decided to attend  Nappy Hour. It’s a natural hair happy hour put on by Nappiology in conjunction with the Nappiology summit or conference they were having that weekend.  I went to support a friend of mine performing a couple of spoken word pieces (she was amazing! ).  I was absolutely moved by the spoken word pieces that each artist performed. And then it happened. My AH HA moment.   

One of the spoken word artist made a statement that made me feel some sort of way. “I didn’t know who I was until I became natural!”  My mind said “Skeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkk! Hold up. What did she just say?”  I couldn’t hear anything she said after that moment. Her words were void to me with that one statement. Let me break it down for you.

1. I big chopped twice in high school. Freshman and senior year. Both times I didn’t know who or who’s I was. I was just doing it to grow my hair faster for a style I wanted. It was never to be permanent.

2.The third time was in my early twenties after a breakdown, but not a breakthrough. I cut it off and grew it natural for a couple of years but didn’t really know what to do with it after that. Once again I went back to the creamy crack.

3.While I was on the creamy crack, I had a major breakdown. I was twenty five and I was lost. I had no idea who I was and what direction my life was headed. It was then, in my brokenness, I heard from God. CLEARLY! Creamy crack and all! He met me where I was. After that I moved to Plano, joined a church, and I completely turned my life around. It had nothing to do with hair. Who I am has nothing to do with a choice of being natural or having a relaxer. It had everything to do with getting to know Jesus and living my purpose. That’s it. To be honest, my 4th and final big chop was a mistake. Some chick cut my hair to short! She said she was trying to get it even (side eye). I cried and wore a quick weave for 3 weeks. I needed enough time to at least see a curl pattern.

So from now on, I control my mood not my hair. The gratefulness I have in my heart controls my mood. Not my hair. My decision to be happy controls my mood. Not my hair! 
So, does your hair control you? Did you big chop before or after a bad break up or breakdown? Let’s discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Top Five Lines I Say to Men…….

 

….To get them to leave me alone. I know what your saying. “Isn’t she single? Why would she intentionally try to make men run?” 

As some of us already know, some men can’t handle rejection. On several occasions I have declined an offer with a smile and a kind no thank you only to be cursed out and told I thought I was to good. Sooooo, I decided  to take a different approach. Sometimes I just want to chop it up with my girls and not be bothered by Jeromey Rome. No offense.

1. I just got out of a relationship. This is the main one I use. My thought process is that no one wants to be the rebound guy or deal with someone who is still getting over the ex. This works about 40% of the time. Hey, gotta roll those dice anyway,right? Right!

2. This one is more of look instead of words. I look at guy and blink without smiling while answering his questions with one to three words. Example: “So, I’ve never seen you here before. Is this your first time here?” Me: “No (blink about 5 times).”  This works most of the time.

3. Jesus has my heart. I only pull the Jesus card when the “I just got out of a relationship” card doesn’t work. Please don’t judge me (in my Chris Brown voice). Sometimes you got to pull out the big guns. This works most of the time. Every now and then you’ll get a joker that says Jesus told him that you were his wife. Yes, this has happened to me.

4. I’m celibate. I know what your saying. “Why would you tell someone that when you first meet them?” Simple, because it works 100% of the time! I use this when one, two, and three fail me. I’m just waiting on the day when someone says ME TOO. I don’t know how I would react.

5. My ex is crazy and I think I seen him posted up in the corner . Yes, I will say this. I’ve rarely had to use this but sometimes one through four just don’t cut it. Some people can’t take no for an answer. Believe me, I’ve thought about  saying I was pregnant. I don’t think I could say that with a straight face.

Ladies, have you ever had to use one of these lines? Do you have a certain one you use to get men to give you fifty feet? Fellas,has anyone used any of these lines on you? Please share in the comment section. Also, don't forget to subscribe!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

He Loves Me

 

2 Corinthians 6:18 “And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (NLT)

“He loves me; he loves me not. He loves me; he loves me not.” I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I would spend hours picking flowers while saying these seven words over and over again until I finally ended with ,"he loves me.”  It’s funny that even as small children, we as baby girls somehow identify ourselves through love and acceptance from a father figure. I remember finding refuge in my God Fathers arms, hanging on his every word and being in awe of his big stature and heavy voice.

As I became older, I found that even though I had a father figure (a great one at that), I still longed for acceptance from a man. maybe it was because I still had a void from not having my biological father in my life. Maybe it was because I felt a lack of love as a whole when it came to family life. Or maybe it’s just in us as women.

It is becoming more and more prevalent to me that I’m not seeking just any type of approval now. Once I truly became aware of whom Christ really was and once I came to know more and more about Him, my need for approval started to shift. I found myself wanting approval from He who gives me rest at night. The One who speaks to me in the middle of the day. The One who protects and guides me. He chases me when I run and answers me when I call.

I never needed the hundreds of flowers that I franticly pulled from the ground. Theirs never any doubt of His love. Even when He has to use His rod, He cares for me while I heal and depend on Him.

Be encouraged. Despite what your circumstances are/was at home, please know you have a heavenly Father who loves and adores you. Taste and see for yourself. Be blessed!

 

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Miss Jessie’s Product Review

 

This past weekend I went to a natural hair event and was given some pretty great samples. I’m a sample queen! Reason being is that natural hair products are wayyyyyyyyyy to expensive.  As stated in an earlier post, My Pre Shampoo Experience, I am not a product junkie and it’s mainly due to the prices of products. I’ve only used the Curly Butter and it was good. On a scale from 1 to 10, I’d give it a strong 7. Here’s a break down of the products that I was able to sample. Please keep in mind that we all have different grades and different lengths of hair.

Creme De La Creme- I used this, along with oil, as my pre poo. I wanted to loosen up my curls, condition my scalp, and try to make it a whole lot easier to comb out once the shampoo stage was done. I must say, the random Shea Butter conditioner I used last week did a better job. I comb my hair out twice a week so it wasn’t matted or to tangled since I wore a protective style two out of the four day window between washes. I give this product a 5. It was average.

Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo- After my pre-poo, I used this sudsy shampoo. I must say, it lived up to its name. Very sudsy. Did my hair feel clean afterwards? Eh, kinda. Nothing really special. The descriptions states that its a detangling shampoo. Even with my pre-poo, my hair was somewhat tangled in different spots. I give this product a 5 as well. At this point I was ready to throw in my towel. Until………..

Super Sweetback Treatment- THIS! After trying to part my hair and comb through it with no avail, I decided to use this deep treatment. It worked well. As soon as I washed it out I could part my hair with ease and comb it out. Love love love this product. The only thing I don't love about it is the 48 dollar price tag for 16 ounces. Side eye but it just might be worth it. I give this product a 10!

Pillow Soft Curls-I loved this product as well. My curls popped as soon as I applied it. They were also very soft. Don’t take it from me. Take it from the zillion people who reached out a touched my hair from work and church. I’m usually not a fan of people touching my hair so this was a big step for me. I give this product a 10 as well.

Baby Butter Creme-Last but not least. I really loved the way this product made my hair shine. It was easy to use and went on smoothly. My hair was moisturized all day. The only issue I had with the product was the greasiness of it. When I wear a wash in go, my hand is in my hair all day. Every time I would put my hand in my hair it would come out with this product on it. I used the butter creme in the morning before work. All in all, I give this product an 8. I would still use this product if it was gifted to me. 8oz 32 bucks. 16oz 58 bucks. 

I know what some of you are saying. I should invest in products that I love. I’ve had this conversation so many times. But, one of things I liked about being natural early on was the fact that I didn’t have to pay a beautician big bucks anymore. Now, I’m supposed to just transfer that money to products??? Hmmmm…….. I digress.

So, what say you? Have you tried any of the products listed? If so, what did you like or dislike about them? What are your favorite products that I should give a try?

Again, please keep in mind that products work differently on everyone. If you would like sample of any of these products you can go to www.missjessies.com . They will send them to you for free!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Why I Hired A Trainer

A picture is worth a thousand words. In my case, 280 bucks a month. The picture to your left is the reason why I decided not to do it alone. I needed more than a text or call from a friend. I needed to be pushed. I needed to know that next summer I wouldn’t be 55 lbs heavier than my sister who just so happened to have given birth 15 months before this picture was taken.
  If your like me, you’ve tried EVERYTHING. I‘ve even researched Lap Band. I’ve drank every shake there was only to realize I would have to continue to drink those shakes if I didn’t learn how to eat. That’s right. I had to learn how to eat and how to replace junk with something healthier. My trainer has given me the tools to work out and eat right when he’s not around.

1. He gave me a meal plan. 80% of loosing weight is what you eat.

2. He showed me exercises I can do at home with out equipment. I can plank and squat like nobody's business.  

3. He gets tough with me. One day he called me into the office and asked me what he could do to help me lose more weight and I was not shedding enough inches for the amount of exercising I was doing. He said I must not be eating right. He was correct. I would eat good all week and as soon as the weekend would get here i would stuff my face. Now, I’m back on track.

I know what your saying. “I’m not about to pay for someone to tell me what I already know.” And that's cool. I’m not saying go and get a trainer. I’m saying invest in your health instead of paying a higher doctors note down the road. Get a workout partner. Get up and walk. A walk becomes a jog and a jog becomes a run. You never know what you can do until you try.

I started a two week challenge today. If I lose four pounds with in the next two weeks I get to buy these lovely boots. I was going to buy them anyway, but I decided to challenge myself even more than I have been lately. I also know that I run the risk of missing out on my size. Seriously, every body and they momma wear a size 8 1/2 or 9. Geesh! I will write an update half way through and even give you a break down of my at home work out. It’s time to get back to mission “Get it right, Get it tight.”

Are you currently trying to lose weight? Need a workout partner or accountability partner? Have you been thinking about investing in a trainer? Lets discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

Top Five Songs NOT to Play at a Singles Event

Recently my girls and I went to a singles event. We were laughing and joking when a familiar song started to play. We looked around for a minutes thinking to our selves, “ Am I the only one who thinks this is kind of out of place?”  Music can be a great tool. It can get the party started or start up conversations. It can also bring back memories that some of us would rather put behind us while were trying to mix and mingle. So, I decided to come up with MY top five song choices to not play at a singles event.

1.) Alicia Keys, You Don't Know My Name. This was the song that was playing. Somewhere a woman was standing up against the wall starring at her crush while lip singing the lyrics. “ You don’t know my name….(round and round and round we go. Will you ever know).” Just sad……

2.)Oran “Juice” Jones, The Rain.  If you want to see an angry brotha, play this song. Watch what happens. Look around the room. You see that brother in the corner with the Stevie J facial expression? Whatever you do, give him 50 feet..PLEASE!

3.)Erykah Badu, Call Tyrone. This song will have sistas snapping fingers, giving daps, and looking at men crazy the rest of the night. DJ, don’t put the fellas through this.

4.) Beyonce, Me, Myself, and I. If you know me, you know I LOVE Beyonce. BUT, this song makes me want to light up a New Port and drink some Coke and Crown. I don’t even smoke OR drink hard liquor! Something about this song just makes me say forget it, I’m doing me….But then I come to my senses.

5.) Maxwell, This Woman’s Work. When I hear this song, a single tear rolls down my cheek. I know what your thinking. This is a great song. YES it is, BUT every body thinks they can sing the high notes!  Try listening to ten brothas (that’s the amount of them at the event) hit that high note. I cant. Just, no.

Honorable Mentions; Anything by H-Town. If your wondering why, you can get a clue from the names of the songs. Anything by R.Kelly EXCEPT for Step in the Name of Love. I’ve been asked to dance a few times off that joint.

What song or songs would be on your list? Why? Lets discuss!

Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!

I’m to Blessed to Act Like I’m Not

Hello everyone. I wanted to share some encouraging words with you today. So many times we get so caught up in anger and in frustration, that we can’t see the blessing that is right in front of us.

  ^{“Colossians 3:23} Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” NIV 
 When I first moved to Plano I was making $12.50 at the local Home Depot. Yes, you read that right, $12.50. I asked God to bless me with a better paying job that allowed me to be off on the weekend so I could serve more in ministry. Don’t you just love new faith? I not only believed God would do it, I believed He would take care of every need until it came to fruition. One month after I moved to Plano  I interviewed with another company. Three days later I got the job. I did a praise dance and a shout. I said thank you God at least a  hundred times.

  Fast  forward five months later. The same girl who prayed to God; the same same girl who did a praise dance and said thank you Lord; was the same girl who was complaining about the very blessing she asked for. I felt as though I was stuck on the phone being griped at by customers all day. I was angry that they were yelling at me and cussing me out for eight hours a day. I was really mad when I didn’t get an hour lunch because we were too busy. And, I had the complete nerve to be mad when I had to work over time.

  Wow! I wasn’t working for the Lord. I was working to get by. Which ,in hind sight, didn’t make much sense. I’m supposed to be light, but when customers called in all they heard was an attitude. As soon as I walked through those double doors my lamp was turned completely off. One day, someone read the verse above at church. You know how when your convicted about something it stays on your mind all day? I had to make a decision. Was I going to be miserable or was I going to work like I was working for the Lord?

  I realized someone out there was without a job. Someone out there wanted the boss that I couldn’t stand. Someone out there would take the $12.50 that I felt was not enough for me. So, the next time your angry at your boss or you have to work overtime, think about this verse.   Remember, the company you work for does not provide for you. They didn’t give you breath and blessings that you didn’t deserve. Praise God by working like your working for Him. Be blessed!


Blogging While Single and Over 30 was created for women AND men who are much more than single. We will discuss relationships, hair, cooking, kids, politics and much more. If you have any questions or ideas for post, feel free to send me an email at bloggingwhilesingle@gmail.com. Be blessed!