I have a strong urge to be a successful business woman, a wife, and a great best friend. However, the strongest urge I have is to give birth to a daughter. My desire stems from wanting to break a generational curse.
Before going on, I would like to say that I have been away from writing on my blog for a while. I blame it on writers block and business. Deep down, this is not true. The truth comes from not wanting to allow myself to go deeper with my readers and to awake hurtful feeling within myself. Today I received a wake up call. My up line and friend told me she read my blog and stated, " Your blog is about to minister to a whole lot more women who NEED to understand what this independent woman thing is about!"
This not only reminded me that people are watching; it also reminded me that God sends people in your life for a reason. She spoke something for me that I didn't have the guts to speak into myself. A fire started within that wouldn't calm until words started to lead my fingertips.
You see, my mother didn't have a good relationship with her mother. I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I know it's a generational curse. I also know that since I have identified it, I have a chance (with God's help) to break it....
1) I love you. These words will be the first words that baby Ella (yes, I have named my baby already lol) will hear. These words will be consistent through out her life. I can't remember more than one time that I heard this from my mother before graduating from high school. Now that I think about it, none of family says this. The only reason why I say it so much is because of my church family, but that's another post for another day.
2) You were conceived in love. I want Ella to know that not only do I love her, I love her father (we love each other). For ME, it is important that I have kids while married. Again, for ME. I know plenty of single women holding it down. I salute you. I was blessed as a child to have God parents who modeled what it meant to be married and raise your children. They were always their for us in every way possible. I always had a support system. I was also blessed to see the other side of the coin. It made me have an even bigger desire to do better.
3) You're worth the wait. No one ever told me this before the age of 26. I never heard this preached before the age of 25 which was far away from the 16 year old who decided to give away her virginity freely with no idea of what she was in for (I wrote about it here). I don't want to be that mother taking her daughter to get contraceptive or to get tested for an STD or taking her to CVS for a pregnancy test. I want her to know her body is special. Her gift should be given to someone who knows her worth and respects her as a wife first.
4) I apologize. So many times parents mess up, big time. That's okay. We are human. I want to be able to say I apologize with out any if, ands, or buts about it. If and when that time comes, I want to be able to come to her with love and apologize.
5) You are beautiful (smart, funny, unique, a gift). I know how important it is for young ladies to hear these words early on. I also know first hand the length young ladies will go in order to hear this from other people when they have never heard it at home. Self esteem and the need for acceptance has played a huge part in my life. At first I wanted my biological father to acknowledge me. After that, I wanted my mother to acknowledge me. When that didn't pan out, I sought acceptance from my boyfriend. Do you see where this is going?
Again, this is MY list. It may not pertain to everyone. Everyone may not agree to what I'm saying. Please remember, this is MY testimony. This is MY healing process. I also know that God may not give me the daughter that I desire. I will count it all joy either way. Fact is, it could be His way of breaking the curse. Maybe the third or forth generation has passed. I have no nieces on my mothers side so that may not be to far fetched.
Hug you babies...What is something that you would tell your daughter? Until next time............................